Divine Intervention

April Fool's day is just around the corner, and you can pull the ultimate prank if you start today. What is more funny than convincing your loved ones that you have come under the influence of a radical religious cult? I know, the thought of your families being stressed thinking you have been brainwashed makes you laugh so hard that you do the peepee dance. Here is how it's done:

What you will need: an email address, bible quotes, bible jokes and a friend to help you, 6 foot hero and a few 30 packs

Phase 1: It's important to keep the status quo at first. Send some mass emails with some clean jokes or whatever. Start slowly and throw in "God Bless" before you type your name.

It isn't something worth mentioning but catches them off guard just slightly. This is what I call planting the seed. Now add water and give plenty of sunshine.

Phase 2: Tell your friends that you "met some cool people with some interesting ideas" that got you really thinking. This will get their minds churning.

Pick up the spirituality a little bit more in your emails i.e. add a bible verse to the sig file of your email. Ask your friend's if they watched any of the 700 Club or any other shows on the PAX network. Maybe mention that you think Pat Robertson is growing on you.

Your friends will now start talking amongst themselves asking if they notice anything different about you.

Phase 3: Email your friends and tell them that you gave up going out and prefer to stay home and read the bible with your new friends. Now it's time to pick it up a notch.

Get your friend that lives by you to start emailing your friends telling them that they see you hanging out with weird bible people and that you never shut up about Jesus and the day of reckoning. Then have him/her say that you asked them if they have "repented their sins and accepted the Jesus Christ as their savior".

Phase 4: Email your friends some bible jokes as if they are the funniest things you have ever heard. Here is a great example:

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE READING YOUR BIBLE ENOUGH

--10 The Preacher announces the sermon is from Galatians ... and you check the table of contents.

--9 You think Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60's.

--8 You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out.

--7 Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules.

--6 A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in Psalms.

--5 You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the concordance or the table of contents.

--4 Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?"

--3 You think the minor prophets worked in the quarries.

--2 You keep falling for it every time when pastor tells you to turn to First Condominiums.

And the No. 1 sign you may not be reading your Bible enough:

1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."

Wait a day or two for this to sink in and now email all your friends a religious e-card for no occasion whatsoever and ask them if they have repented their sins or any other creepy sayings. Have fun with this.

By now, your friends will all be talking about an intervention to deprogram you. Have your friend that is in on the joke take the lead.

Phase 5: Have your friend arrange the intervention. Get a 6 foot hero and a few 30 packs. Have them wait there and then come into the room in a black suit and bible in hand. Don't be alarmed that a few people are crying. Those frowns will soon be turned upside down.

Jump in the middle of the room and point your finger and say, "SUCKERS!"

They will soon catch on, and they will surely think it's a hoot. Slice up the hero and crack some beers. Have everyone tell their stories about sleepless nights and ulcers they developed when they thought you were brainwashed and lost forever. I'm sure they will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Nothing brings family and friends together like weddings, funerals and interventions preventing a loved one from devoting their life to a dangerous radical cult.